Why I'm American and Stupid

Hi,

I'm actually not going to talk about why I'm American and stupid yet. 

First off, it's my last day at "work." This is exciting because that means I no longer have to get up at 7 am every day, instead can stay up until 3 am (which allows me a little more interaction with America, or probably the same since I'll be sleeping through your evenings). It also means I can stop riding the bus in the morning for like over an hour, and it also means I can stop wearing pants (I'll wear shorts instead duh). 

Speaking of the bus, I witnessed a sweet bus fight yesterday on the good ol' 691. It was basically the "I am a motherfucker" fight all over again, except Chinese edition. To set the scene, there was a younger dude (30?) and an older dude (50+). They started yelling at each other, but I didn't hear what they were yelling about since I was listening to Guster at the time (what else would I be doing?). The older dude's getting off the bus, but the younger douche figures its a good idea to kick the older guy a few times as he's getting off. He uses the leveraging of the rail and actually gets some good kicks in (in Chinese, we call it "chuai" which basically illustrates the way he kicked him, I can't really explain it, but it has it's own sorta meaning a little different from kick...Chinese people back me up here). This obviously pisses the old guy off, so he comes back onto the bus infuriated and starts wailing on the younger guy. He gets him in the face a few times with some strong enough punches, and the blood starts flowing. Then he uses his cane (no idea why he has a cane, because he seems to move just fine), and lashes the other guy a few times. So at this point, the guy's eye is bruised and he looks more squinty, and he's a bloody mess, and he still wants to hit the old guy, who's content and done his damage. Anyhow, that's really it. Everybody gets off the bus, and the poor bus driver has to clean up the blood all over his floor. Really upset I didn't have a camera for this. 

Okay, on to why I'm American and stupid. This mostly concerns my inability to order things. The first week of work, I couldn't read the menu, so I got "niu rou fan" which literally means beef meal every day, until I started learning what other people were getting and eventually mixed up the offerings to include eggplant, tomato and egg (a Chinese specialty), meatballs, and ji ding (which is a chicken dish with some veggies and hot peppers). 

My frustration continued at McDonalds, where I normally would just get things off the dollar menu, but I'm stupid, so I have no idea. I don't know how to say cheese, so I got burgers once, but they weren't cheeseburgers and I was really bummed. SO I was determined and looked up the word cheese (which is ganlao), but when I went back to the menu, I couldn't find the characters for cheese, so I'm not sure if they have a different way of saying it. Anyhow, I got back to pointing at the menu, and I ordered a number 2 and told them to ditch the fries and the drink. I also have no idea how to say McFlurry, so I always say "the oreo thing" and they understand me. 

I also have no idea at bars. I ordered this drink (a mai tai?), and I wanted to ask what kind of liquor it was. 

1) I don't know how to say liquor

2) I don't know how to say any types of liquor in Chinese

So for 1) I asked them what kind of drink, by listing a few things in English, vodka, whiskey in a questioning tone. So then he responded, and I had no idea what he said...so he finally had to muster up "rum" and I was like..."oh, I get it." I went back to my table feeling stupid. 

However, the biggest fuckup was on Wednesday, where I went to a Chinese restaurant craving something spicy and with a lot of meat in it. So I asked the guy to recommend something to me. He pointed at something and said it was spicy and had lamb, so I thought, oh good, this'll be great. I thought it was a little expensive though (38 yuan), but I got it anyways, and it turns out I got my 38 yuan's worth. The bowl they brought it out in was like more than a foot in diameter, this huuuuuuge thing with this hot oil drenched noodles and a bunch of lamb, potatoes, onions, etc. It was delicious, but the bowl of rice I ordered to go with it went untouched obviously. Man never said it had noodles in it! So yeah, I finished like half of it and waddled back to my apartment. 

I think my problem is that my Chinese is good enough to be understood without an accent, so that people mistake me for Chinese at first listen, and so they talk to me like I'd understand, but then I don't. So yeah, the moral of the story is, I can't live in China. 

Next Wednesday night, I'm heading out to Shanghai. Overnight train business, but the hotel still isn't booked. I think I'm going to...go to the expo, check out the big TV tower, hopefully take a boat ride on the river, check out the financial district, go walk around the shopping districts and not buy anything, and check out the club district. My uncle also recommends that I go out to Hangzhou, which is reputed as one of the most naturally beautiful places in China, and it's like an hour and a half outside of Shanghai. So I think I'll check it out. That's the plan anyways. 

Less than 3 weeks until I'm back in America. Can't wait to sleep in for the next 3 weeks. 

That's all I've got, since the last week or so has been rather boring. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I did go clubbin' again. 'Twas a good time, makes me wish I had more friends in China so I could do fun things and spend lots of money on alcohol. 

Also bought a ping pong paddle to make sure I covered my bases and fulfilled all cultural stereotypes. Dude wanted me to give him a 120 yuan, but I got it for 80. I think I still got gipped, but it should play well enough to my abilities, and probably still cheaper than buying them in America, where demand is tiny because nobody plays ping pong. AND ITS SHORT HANDLE. I'm so tired of playing stupid shake-hand American paddles. I can finally return to my glory days of owning people pen-grip style. Hells yeah. 

Bye bye America, see you in a few weeks!