The Real Tokyo

I'm really upset nobody in Tokyo noticed my 3 Keyboard Cat Moon T-shirt and said anything about it. I expected more out of a such a progressive city. 

I think, note I think, my dad and I have finished our rounds of Tokyo. 

Today, I woke up at a normal hour (9:30ish), and we hit up a few more places. Hard to believe that we never actually went to the Tokyo ward of Tokyo, which is where I think Tokyo started, but what do I know, I don't speak Japanese. The Tokyo rounds were really just a casual walk around the area, as we passed by construction site after construction site. And eventually, we wandered into the Ginza ward, which looked a lot like Times Square to me. Just lots and lots of shopping, and some really classy stores along the side. The usual suspects, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Armani, etc were all there, along with a spattering of foreign stores that I'm sure are really big deals in their native countries. Had a really good lunch though, consisting of some quality Japanese style fried chicken, some Japanese beef with onions, and a big bowl of rice, accompanying the typical bowl of Miso soup, which they literally drink with every meal I think. Also checked out the Apple store, where I played with iPads. 

Afterwards, we hopped back on the train and checked out the Ueno ward, which had this really pretty park area where the zoo is, along with several major museums. I glanced at the national museum, and then we decided to check out the nature and science museum, yawn. Call me a douche, or unappreciative, but I can't get into museums. History, and all that doesn't amuse or entertain me all that much. We wandered around all the floors I think (6 in all, 3 underground), and I basically followed my dad around as he looked at stuff. Took some pictures of dinosaur fossils. Can't speak for much more since I suck at understanding important historical stuff. This took like 2 hours. The only real highlight of this was the movie they showed in this 360 semi-sphere thing that detailed the Earth's history and flashed some other space images in a surround sound, surround movie. It sure looked epic and the guy talking made it sound really epic, but once again, what do I know, I don't speak Japanese.

Lastly, we checked out the Ikebukuro area, which involved walking around looking at shops again and stopping at Burger King for some ice cream and an iced coffee. This place Sunshine city was absofreakinglutely unreal though. There were girls screaming at me in languages I don't speak (really only one language I guess, but for all that I know, it could've been several languages) probably asking me to fuck them sideways. Either that or advertising 40% off sales in really high pitched voices (imagine 8 year old girls). I was unfazed, as my father has taught me to ignore those people over the last few days. Oh, and they had Coldstone there, which I didn't realize had globalized all the way over here. 

Yawn, since this entire blog post has sucked up to this point, I have a couple interesting observations to share. 

Basically, over the last 5 days, I've been to every major center of Tokyo via the Yamanote Line, which is like the loop of the El, except instead of a tiny 4 block area, it covers all the major focal points of Tokyo. 

Conclusion: There's not a ton to do in Tokyo with family except shop and walk around. I imagine the nightlife here is off the wall though. I'll have to come back for that some time.

Okay, this is the part of the blog where I talk about porn (great transition here, I know).

Guys who have watched porn (that means all of you), ever notice the large subcategory of schoolgirl porn that is basically 90% Asian? Well I've finally figured it out. There are a freakton of girls dressed up in these schoolgirl outfits scattered all over the city, since I imagine they get off school and decide to go hangout in the shopping malls. It's like a cultural norm of Japanese girls to be in those uniforms, which is EXACTLY where the porn industry got the idea to capitalize on. Look at me, I just did anthropological analysis (albeit, pretty surface level, I imagine). 

I do have some advice for how to navigate Japan though from a tourist perspective.

Girls - Bring the following items:

-2 days worth clothes (one for the first day of travel, one for the first day of shopping)

-An otherwise empty suitcase

-A bag of money

You can literally walk to anywhere and Tokyo, and find a 10 floor building that is just a big shopping center. Every street. Every corner. Everywhere. 

Guys, well by guys, I mean guys with Asian appetites (I'm looking at you Jordan Schneider and Sam Malin) - Bring the following items:

-Clothes Just kidding, you don't need clothes.

-Condoms

-Your game face

Calvin - Bring the following item:

-Groper gloves

More bonus observations on Tokyo:

-In American cities, small alleys are bad places to be, places where you scream "fire" and buy drugs. In Tokyo, it's the place to be. Little minishops, vending machines, places to eat, electronics, clothes, bars, Pachinko (gambling's illegal here, but they have this sorta slot thing called Pachinko that is literally everywhere), and Japanese people screaming at you. Even titty bars, totally saw one of those. 

-I think it's electoral season here. They've got this mobilizing thing down. They have trucks driving around with loudspeakers and the candidate's face on it yelling at people, probably telling people to vote for the candidate. They also have trucks that drive around and play music, which I presume is for certain artists marketing their latest album. 

-Japanimation is no joke. It's all over signs. It's on advertisements that are renting apartments. Hello Kitty is on buses. Girls are constantly imitating the blond Japanime characters. I don't mind though, I like big pink buses anyways. 

OH, and there was this really cool elevator I went in. It was just boring white, and then we started moving and it told us how fast we were going and started going all Robot Unicorn on me, and freaking me out with colors and majestic animals like dolphins. (It went up to 600 m/s, which WolframAlpha says is just over 22 mph. Pretty quick, and really smooth as usual). 

We did finally go back to the tall building to look at Tokyo on a clear night. Tried to take pictures in night mode, but it was nearly impossible with all the light inside the building, the glass, and the fact that the camera needs to be completely steady for like 5 seconds in night mode to take good pictures. Failed attempt after failed attempt yielded this poor picture (where there was a baseball game going on, so the stadium lights spoiled my picture).

That's all I've really got. Sorry this post sucks.
Good night from Tokyo, play safe. 

When in doubt, go to Chinatown.

I'm going to start this post with a quote from my good friend Calvin (Calvin I hope you're reading this).

For those 3rd floor people, we commonly quoted Calvin in our "Quote of the Calvin" board on 317's whiteboard (it's actually green). Yesterday, Calvin gave me a gem that I will NOT let slip. Without further adieu: 

Calvin Ketchum: did you grope some chicks on the subway? i've heard that's like the national pastime

Thank you for that moment Calvin. I'm going to just leave that there, context is up to your imagination. 

ANYHOW, my dad and I woke up at a normal hour today and went out on the town (probably for the last time, 4 days is quite a lot). Had breakfast at this really cozy fast food joint Yoshinoya. I had my favoriate Japanese, unagi, which is basically eel. So good. My dad ordered me the extra rice with the extra eel, and it was still a very moderate portion, less than the size of an entree at Appleby's, for context. This is why Japanese people don't get fat. Oh, and because fish is much healthier. Afterwards, we went to the district of Tokyo (they're called Wards, I found out), that has the really tall buildings (not that Tokyo doesn't have really tall buildings everywhere). We went up to the 45th floor of their municipal building and took pictures. That's all we really did there, madly exciting I know. I was supposed to see Mt. Fuji, but like the previous 4 days, it's been hot, humid, and foggy. Result: A picture of fog, representing where Mt. Fuji is supposed to be. Here it is...

After we got bored of looking at fog and buildings (pictures start here), my dad decided to take us to the port city of Yokohama, which is supposed to be the 2nd most populous city in Japan. Honestly though, it's just part of the Tokyo Metropolis. Train goes there, and there are tall buildings leading to it all the way from Tokyo. Tokyo is just one big extended city. We got there and had fast food Japanese curry for lunch. Place was cool, you pay for a ticket in a VENDING MACHINE (they love these, see what I mean?), and then went inside the little shop and brought out the dish in about a minute or so. These guys are so efficient! Then we went on a boat ride, which was kinda an excuse to look around the port and sit in an air conditioned boat for about 40 minutes. 

Then surprise surprise, we landed at the dock, and hey look, it's Chinatown. I should've known we'd do this (I've been to the Chinatown of every major city I've been to. You name the big city, and if I've been there, I've been to their Chinatown). We just walked around though, and literally every shop was selling bao-zi (which for non-Chinese people is just a roll with some kind of stuffing on the inside). One of the bao-zi some place was selling was like as big as my head. Overkill? Yeah. We just walked around Chinatown and decided to go, since both pops and I were really tired. 

That's all we did today. Rather uneventful, but I'm ready to rest up. Probably leaving Tokyo tomorrow to check out other parts of Japan, or at least getting to a new hotel. 

Much shorter brog post this time. 

OH, and watched Brazil rape Chile this morning. Hot damn. The Japanese announcers are way better than the ESPN ones. They scream SHUTA every time somebody takes a crack at the goal. And this one obnoxious announcer just mumbles "HMMMM" to himself all game as players make mistakes or something interesting happens. Samurai Blue (Japan) play tonight, hope they can beat Paraguay so the entire city splooges on itself. 

That's all. 

Bai bai. 

Edit: Just watched Japan lose in PK's. Most boring soccer game I've ever watched. Nice scoring, world class soccer players.

This is going to be a long one, maybe I'll use headers.

Hi.

My pops and I were up at about 1 am in the morning because we somehow decided we would sleep through the entire day with no alarm clock to stop us. 

We decided at 3:30 am that we'd go to the Tokyo Tsukiji tuna market.

TSUKIJI TUNA MARKET

Took a cab EARLY in the morning to the market. This place is really tight, and I actually mean that literally. They only let 140 people in per day and people line up at like 4 am, while the doors open 5 am. We got in the first wave of 70 people and got to watch tuna experts inspect these GIGANTIC imported tuna fish. We watched some introductory video about how these tuna bidders show up way early in the morning to inspect tuna, and then participate in auctions to buy these huuuge tuna. The best quality tuna can sell at 14500 Yen per kilogram. That's like $145 USD for you. My dad said some of these huge fish go for $10 grand USD. This market is like the NYSE of fish exchange. The auction we watched was really intense with Japanese guys screaming for about 5 minutes at a time as they auction off these mammoth tuna. In the video, they were talking about a young up and coming tuna buying expert who was gaining a lot of respect in the industry. He's 45. Real young. Afterwards, pops and I had sushi and sashimi (or just raw fish in a bowl of rice, whatever that's called) at some tiny local joint at 6 am. 

EMPEROR'S PALACE

We sat around in a bunch of random park benches for like 20 minutes at a time because nothing was open at 6 am. Then we walked by the Emperor's Palace. And took a picture. That's really it. Anticlimactic, I know. Most of our time was spent walking as I snapped pictures of everything, like Ichiro.

Emperor was probably sleeping...

UNIVERSITY OF TOKYO

The University of Tokyo, according to my dad, is the best university in the Eastern hemisphere. He said there were like 7 Nobel Prize winners in Japan (3 at U of Tokyo, I think). UChicago has 7, taste it Eastern hemisphere. Campus was really cool though, and really kinda antique. Had a nice academic feel to it, but really deserted, since even Japanese people celebrate summer vacation and turn off their brains sometimes.

ELECTRONIC DISTRICT

I think this part of Tokyo is called Akihabara. We just walked into one gigantic store, which took like over an hour to traverse the 9 floors of. And we're not just talking technology. We're talking appliances, refrigerators with like 7 doors, fans that don't have blades, and all the crazy accessories you can dress your iPod with. They even had a golf shop on the 9th floor. And like every other multifloor shopping building in Japan, one of the top floors was dedicated to food. We had curry on the 8th floor with all you can eat Naan the size of your head. I had two. 

THE REAL JAPAN (according to my dad)

This place was called Asakusa. This is where there are ton of tiny shops and Japan doesn't look like it's in the 29th century. Looks more 19th-ish with some improvements and a whole lot of tiny shops scattering the street. As usual, we bought nothing and walked around as Japanese people kept talking to me, and I looked at them and smiled, as my dad told me to ignore them. SO MANY STORES. I can't emphasize that enough. This was also nearby to where Japan is building it's highest building, what they want to be their CN tower, the Tokyo Sky Tree. It looks pretty cool, and tall, also. 

So after that, we finally came back to the hotel after like 12 hours of running around the city.

Quite possibly the craziest thing about Tokyo? The train system. In Chicago, the El seems pretty intimidating. Lots of stations, kinda confusing at first. In Japan they have the El times 4 times 2 (that's times 8 for you, estimated of course). Their one rail system is crazy and not navigable. This is the Tokyo Metro. Then they have another layer that kinda goes over it and under it and around it. This is the JR line (Japan Railway, according to Google, I was hoping for a cool Japanese name). It runs all the way to the airport, which was like an hour and a half away by car. 

Tokyo Metro.

JR Line

Yeah, try reading that and understanding it. Tokyo does public transit right. In Chicago, I could sit at a station and read a novel because the CTA is broke as shit and sends a train every like 30 minutes. I miss a train in Chicago, and I just want to sit and sulk as I watch it pull away. In Tokyo, I like to twiddle my thumbs a couple rotations, and the next one is here. I think 3 minutes was the longest I waited for a train here, and we rode lots of trains today. And it's crowded as shit. Good thing its also...oh, AIR CONDITIONED. Another cool fact about Japan: EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. I got off the train, and underground connected to the train station is a shopping mall that goes another 9 floors up at least, so you can hop and shop all day. Woman's paradise really, rich women I guess, since everything here is also really expensive. 

Now, more bonus observation about Japan that slipped my mind earlier.

-Upon walking around for the first few minutes in Japan (literally in the airport), I saw a woman with a mask on (the SARS kind), and I was like uh oh, some outbreak in Japan? But my pops told me that Japanese people are so respectful, that if they have a cold, they just get a mask and wear it around so they don't transmit germs and get other people sick. I dunno if I fully believe that but I've seen LOTS of people with masks walking around, so it's gotta have some truth to it. 

-Tones. On the Subways, in shopping malls, on the street, where ever, even ambulances. In the US, it seems like every time people need you notified, they play obnoxious loud noises that undoubtably get your attention. In Japan, they place nice arpeggios and little melodies in the subway stations, and the ambulance alternates a major third interval or something, rather than blaring the friggin horn. And people still get out of the way for you. It's so much more pleasant when the daily sounds of walking through the city are nice arpeggios and chord progressions instead of random bleeping bells that don't make any sense. 

I think that's all. Rots of pictures. Check them out on the Facebooks. (RECURSIVE LINK TO FACEBOOK AFTER FACEBOOK LINKED YOU TO THE BLOG). 

Bai. 

More random observations about Japanese people

1) It's overpopulated. Conclusion: It's overpopulated.
2) On a Sunday morning, there were more people out than on Saturday night. Conclusion: Japanese people don't have time for church.
3) For some reason 97.856% of women aged fifteen to fifty are wearing a gallon of makeup, and it gives them this pasty white complexion. And then about 64% of those have their hair bleached in some off brown color. Conclusion: Meh. Natural selection gave Asian people black hair for a reason.

My pops and I woke up this morning at like 5 am to watch the US lose to Ghana. That's was a bonerkill. Woke up again at like 9:30 am, went outside to explore the city again. 20 feet outside, and I'm sweating. The solution my pops and I found was walking into department stores and riding escalators to the top floor and back down to enjoy some AC for like 15 minutes before going back outside. Oh, and stopping at random vending machines on the street because THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

This is the coolest thing about Japan I think. They really really value nature. They have plants growing on the tops of buildings, in their tiny apartments, trees lining the streets mingling with skyscrapers. So we're going to some imperial garden place, and it's city city city city city BOOM beautiful park/forest/garden place. It was really pretty, reminded me of the Golden Gate Park in San Fran (which some of you have heard me rave about). Pictures added to the Facebook album.

Afterwards, we went to a random place and had some lunch, and proceeded to ride the train a couple stops to see a Shinto temple place of sorts. Also really pretty, so I'm not going to throw words at it and try to do it justice, but rather let pictures do the talking. Although I'm an idiot with a camera in my hands (and a massive tourist, holy crap I took pictures of a lot of random stuff).

To be continued....(after my afternoon nap)

And by afternoon nap, I mean, my dad and I slept for the next 8 hours. It's now nearly 1 am Japan Standard Time, and I just woke up. Dinner? lol. So much for not being jetlagged. Either that or I was tired as shit from walking. Now I'm going to be up all night, which is all day in Amurican time. Somebody entertain me.

...Continued again

1:45 am - Went out for Micky D's (because it's open 24 hours!) and got myself a Teriyaki burger, which was strangely kind of delicious, in a weird strange Asian sauce meets cheese sorta way. I was pretty impressed. They also have AM/PM here, where my dad got himself some random dish the guy behind the counter so nicely microwaved for him.

I AM IN TOKYO

Heyo,

Just got back from a long day of being in Japan, which is freaking awesome. 

Got up today and lived at the airport for a couple hours. They had a mall type area in the airport, where I proceeded to order some random Carbonara dish from a pseudo Italian place, which was awfully disappointing since I had no idea that the meat would be ham and that it would have mushrooms. Decided to go and get myself a Big Mac, Japan style. I was going to compare it to the American Big Mac, but I realized I probably haven't had a Big Mac in years, so there was really no standard for comparison. All in all, I'd say it was pretty satisfying. And then, I had ice cream (they might've called it gelato, but I have no idea), and these Japanese people, they're crazy. It was served in a nice triangular shaped ice cream cone. I wasn't sure how to eat it. It was kinda confusing. 

So afterwards, I took an hour and a half bus ride to Tokyo from the airport, and proceeded to snap lots of random pictures that don't make any sense. The corresponding nonsensical album is here: Here. I had lots of time on the bus, and I did a lot of...doing a Rubik's cube while listening to Passion Pit. What a joyride. 

Basically, I met my pops in Tokyo, and we proceeded to walk around. Went inside this huge 15 floor mall, Tashikimaya I think it was called. Lots of random expensive stuff. And then we had dinner at this crazy random restaurant that would've been really hard to find on the fifth floor of some random alley way. Our hotel room is tiny, as seen below. 

Random observation #1 about Japan: They really know how to use their space. Since the islands aren't that big, and full of mountains, the very little amount of flat space they have to work with has to be used super efficiently. So obviously, they build UPWARDS, and use that space efficiently. The restaurant at first glance was really cramped, but turned out to be quite comfortable and could be a really intimate date spot. Really cool. My pops and I had an intimate little dinner (I had uncooked horse meat?...) Also shared a drink with my father, got me some nice Mango flavored mixed drink. It was delicious. 

Afterwards, we walked around more, and then decided to ride up to the 45th floor of a random hotel. The most amazing scene ever. I tried to take like 10 pictures, but they all failed miserably. But holy god, it's like Coruscant (Star Wars reference, yesss, +1, also thanks Dan). Buildings as far as the eye can see, and to no end. New York City doesn't stand a chance. 

Random Observation #2: The Japanese pride themselves on their elevators my dad told me. We shot up to the 45th floor in the SMOOTHEST elevator of all time. Didn't even feel it moving, except that my ears were popping because we were going so freaking fast. 

We sat in some lounge and had another drink (I had a mixed chai tea milk thing with Baiiley's, which was also freaking delicious). On a side note, my dad probably thinks I"m a fruit for consuming such beverages. 

Anyhow, random observation #3: Tokyo is the cleanest big city I have ever been in. NYC is straight dirty. And when I went to Chicago, I was like "Oh, this is NYC but cleaner." But the Japanese take the cake. They are straight clean, there is not speck of trash on the ground. Must be a cultural thing, my pops told me. I spent like an hour trying to find a place to spit out my gum because I was afraid to just spit it on the ground it was so clean. 

Okay, just random observations about Japan from here on out.

Rand Ob #4: The Japanese don't wear shorts. It was like 29 degrees and like 90% humidity, (mid 80s? in Fahrenheit), and everybody over the age of 25 is in pants. Really? I feel like I would drown in my own sweat every day. 

Random Ob #5: This is probably the best one. I don't know if anybody remembers the commercials where they had those toilets that shoot water up your butthole. Yea, well those are standard in some Japanese bathrooms (my hotel has them, and one of the ones in the airport had them too). Anyhow, it's really cool and kinda an awkward sensation (yesss gruesome details and TMI). You kinda have to experience it. It's really clean feeling. This transitions into Random Observation #6.

Random Observation #6: More on efficiency. The Japanese really use their resources well. My pops was telling me that to conserve water, the water runs from the faucet and cleans your hands, and then that water is used to fill up the toilet. So the next time you flush the toilet, it's using the water you used to wash your hands. And that's not terribly barbaric or disgusting, because who really gives a shit how clean the water is that's being used to flush your toilet. 

Random Observation #7: I'm taller than most people here. I like that.

Okay, I think I'm out of random observations. I'll leave you witha picture of Tokyo at night, because I think it's freaking sweet. (It's in the Facebook album, while Facebook still works, since it might not in China unless VPN works okay, crossing my fingers). Here. <-Link again. 

PS. Didn't proofread at all. So there are probably a ton of typos.
PPS. No idea why the font is different...
PPPS. For those who've already emailed me, thanks :) But if not, LET ME KNOW HOW YOUR LIFE IS GOING KAY?

Greetings from Narita

Hi.

I'm in Narita, Japan, which is like an hour-ish from Tokyo. My internal clock is a mess, and I really have no idea when I'm supposed to be eating and sleeping right now. Somehow, I got lucky enough to have free internet here at the fantastic Toyoko Inn (I can see the airport). I really wanted to go into the city, but I don't want to blow my pop's cash on a taxi into and back out of Narita, or spend it all on booze. Besides, I can buy booze in vending machines here (lols).

Anyhow, rode in business class for the first time. I think somebody asked me when I told them about business class: "Like first class?" The answer is actually no. If you've been on a plane before and ridden coach, you look forward, and there's curtains leading to first class, which appears to have really comfortable seats that are more suitable for people with big asses like myself. And then in front of that, there's business class. Yeah. There were only 18 business class seats on this huge 747, and each one of them is one of those pods chairs that are really boss.

Basically, I'm feeling really out of place here. There's a saying that goes something like "Act like you've been there before," or something to that effect at least. Yeah, I didn't act like that. My first question to the flight attendant was "Am I in the right place?" after walking through the Delta Sky Elite tunnel. As she showed me my seat, I got confused because I wasn't sure what to do with the huge comforter, pillow, huge over ear headphones, slippers, and mysterious bag on my seat (I tossed them all on the floor). Coming out of the seat was a folding table, which is much cooler than your economy tray table, and oh, a personal TV. I also plugged my laptop in to the power outlet (necessary question mark?). There are at least 5 hostesses serving the 18 business class elite customers (all over 35, and wearing dress shoes and decent slacks). And if I really wanted, I would've accepted the champagne they were serving before the flight; instead I took the orange juice.

An hour in flight: I'm watching the Blind Side (as Michael Oher is ripping people apart), reclined back in my huge pod chair with my nice pillow and comforter over me, and eating dinner. 3 courses that included soup, salad, and some delicious beef with some kinda ginger sauce. And for some reason, they served heart of palm with every meal (Michael: fly business class from now on, kay?). Desert was 3 kinds of cheese, and chocolate cheesecake. Om nom nom nom nom nom. After watching the Blind Side, and Valentine's Day (goddammit I love sappy love movies, and Taylor Swift, and all the other attractive women in this movie. Also, I felt bad for Ashton Kutcher in this movie? Is that possible?), I pulled out my laptop and then proceeded to watch Hot Tub Time Machine, which was pretty ridiculous, especially when the guy started trying to speak Russian by dropping proper nouns (see: Martina Navratilova) like I do when I do language impersonations. The stewardess asked me if I wanted a sandwich in the middle of this movie (insert "get me a sandwich" joke here). I happily obliged.

When all the windows were closed, I reclined my chair all the way back, and went to sleep. It was literally a inclined bed, more horizontal than your inclining rocking chair. Instead of being rudely awakened by some people shifting all over the cabin, I woke up to breakfast in bed, with more beef and heart of palm and a nice glass of milk. Usually, upon waking up from my airplane nap, I like to ask how long it'll be 'til we arrive by bothering the flight attendants incessantly, but instead, I pulled out the handy dandy personal TV, went to the maps section, and watched the little moving plane over the Pacific Ocean tell me that we were an hour away from landing. It was at this point that I found out from the lady next to me that the mysterious bag I never opened was full of toiletries, with a tooth brush amongst other stuff. Too bad we were 30 minutes from landing. So I put on my soundtrack from the last month or two (Guster...if you haven't noticed), and cruised into Japan.

Anyhow, I sit here now, kinda bored, wishing I could go bar hopping, but with no means of transportation. I'll probably go to bed. Email me! (I like using parentheses, can you tell?)

Yeah

This is a test.